Worrysome
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I know I have not been updating on a regular like I used to. Could it be�.I�m getting tired of blogging??? Maybe just a little. Like many of you out there, I think in blog too. Whenever something crazy happens, I think how perfect of an entry it would make. The only problem is I don�t have as much time as I used to write my thoughts out. I started keeping a notebook next to my bed because often I wake up in the middle of the night and can�t get back to sleep because there is just too much on my brain. About two weeks ago, I woke up around 3:30 in the morning and spent the next hour working out my monthly budget. I was so scared that I would not be able to afford my new car. But after checking and re-checking, every thing seems to work out. I just have to be much more diligent about my spending habits. Now my biggest concern is not being able to afford my vacation in August. I�m not working two jobs anymore, which is kinda nice because I actually have time to go and work out, but is bad because I don�t have that extra money to save anymore. I�m still looking for a part time gig though. Anything to ensure that my vacation won�t get cancelled. I think I may be moving again. I was really hoping this would not happen to me. But I�m afraid my biggest fear is coming true. I didn�t want to get stuck living here. The plan was to spend about a year here, save up some money, and be out. Well, it�s been a year and a half now, I have nothing saved and can�t seem to save money to save my life, so I�m stuck. As much as I LOVE my apartment and the community around me, I think I need something a little cheaper. I want a condo or small house, but I can�t afford to buy a shack in this city. That leaves me to continue throwing my nearly non-existent money down the drain. When my lease is up in September, I will try to negotiate a lower rent with my apartment complex, but if they can�t give me what I want, the new apartment search is on. Unless�.some desperate employer in DC, Maryland or ATL decide they wanna take a chance and hire me. If that happens, I will sell everything (except my soul and my new car) to get the hell outta Cali. My other big concern was B. Since the visit was not as perfect as I had envisioned it would be, I was worried that maybe he would think differently about me and we would drift apart. It has not happened yet. We still talk every other day or so. We discussed meeting in ATL in August during my vacation. I feel a little better knowing that he wants to see me again and that possible we will meet up soon. I hope it happens. The retro-active pay that I was expecting from the job might not happen. I may have mentioned at one point that I got a raise and a slight promotion. All this happened back in March. I signed my new job description and ever since then, I have been doing my old job and my new job. And working hard I might add. The added responsibilities are nice. It keeps me busy most days. But it sucks that for the last 3 months, I have not been getting paid for all the added work. Normally, when such things occur, you receive retro pay from the day that you begin the new job. Well with the budget fuck up here in Cali and since I work for a state funded University, it�s likely that the money I should get wont happen until the budget shit is fixed. Basically, I�m screwed. The state budget aint getting no better. I�m just keeping my fingers crossed that by some miracle things will work out. After all, I was planning on using that money for vacation. I will continue to wait. That's about all I can do. I wish I could say that writing out these worries helps. But actually, they make them seem so much more real and significant. Now I�m worried cause I have so many worries. |
10:06 a.m. || June 23, 2004 |
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