My mind's playing tricks on me.
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I�m not usually a real paranoid person. But you know that your mind will get the best of you when you done something you know good and damn well you have/had no business doing. My nipples have been very tender and �on point� over the last few days. Seriously, it�s almost very painful to even wear a bra. Oh and I have been peeing like crazy. Like I can barely get a glass of water down before I�m sprinting to the bathroom. This is soo unlike me. I can normally drink a 16oz glass of water and not have to go to the restroom for a couple of hours. With all these unusual symptoms, I went to the web and looked up symptoms of pregnancy. (I told you I was paranoid.) Both of my symptoms were on there. Forget Wednesday, I will go ahead and confess today that I had sex without a condom. Not once, not even twice but many times during my trip to see B. Actually, we didn�t use a condom not once. Now before you start chastising me, let me explain. Ahh shit, I don�t have an explanation. I know it was a bad, bad, bad thing. Especially coming from a woman who is well aware of the AIDS crisis in her community and especially amongst African American women. Hell, I�m the main person going out into my community telling all the young boys and girls that if they are going to have sex that they need to protect themselves every time, all the time. And what do I do. I go and fuck a guy (many times) I have not seen in three months and who could have had sex with multiple people in that time frame. Maybe I should be a little more concerned with the fact that I could have exposed myself to HIV or some STD. But like most women who have sex with a man they trust, I am in denial. I�m more worried that I could be pregnant. The likely hood is slim since I am on the pill and have been on it for years. But since I teach the kids that nothing but abstinence is 100% effective, I know that there is that slight chance. For peace of mind, I will contact employee health and go have an HIV test. It�s been about a year since the last one. Now the other unusual symptoms could just be an extra early indication that my period will start next week. But damn, for the symptoms to start two weeks early is extremely bizarre. |
3:07 p.m. || June 21, 2004 |
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Moving day - October 08, 2007 |