The low down on the Navy man....
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I got an email from HJ this morning. HJ was a guy that I met in ATL a few years ago when I was still going to TU. From August when we met until about November me and BB (my car) made the 1.5 hour Drive from TU to the ATL to be with HJ. HJ was tall, bald and handsome 26 year old who was in the Navy and looked absolutely delicious in his all white Navy uniform. I shared a lot of �firsts� with HJ. He was the first guy to cook me breakfast in bed, the first guy that was in the military that I dated, and most important�he was the first guy who ever made me orgasm. *Sigh. Those were the god ol� days. I never told HJ that he was the first guy who really made me orgasm�maybe one day I will share that special information with him. HJ and I used to have a good time together. Most weekends I was there he had his two younger sisters with him who he temporarily had custody of since his mom was in jail (long story). The young girls took an instant liking to me. During the weekdays when I was at school they would call me up to ask if I was still coming to spend the night with them on Friday. The girls reminded me so much of my own nieces who were back in Cali that I could not help but grow attached to the them. At times it felt like we were a little family. The four of us would go to the movies together, out to dinner and we even went to Six Flags over Georgia. The whole situation was a little too weird for me and I knew I had to figure out a way to separate myself from the situation without losing HJ. Unfortunately my separation plan didn�t work out to well. HJ and I stopped spending time with each other because of me. Yes it was actually my fault this time. I was still messing with J-mac and didn�t want to commit to HJ cause I knew that as long as me and J-mac lived in the same city there was no way that I could be a faithful girlfriend. During a conversation one day, HJ made the assumption that we were together. When I clarified to him that I was not his girlfriend he asked me �what are we then?� I told him we were �just friends�. I guess that didn�t sit well with him and to this day I think I hurt his feelings by telling him we were just friends. He pretty much wrote me off as some flaky chic who could not handle a mature relationship. After that uncomfortable conversation, I began getting the icy cold shoulder of HJ. I eventually got the hint and stopped calling. The truth is, I think that I was somewhat intimidated by HJ and his age. I have always boasted that I love older men because they are so much more mature. And since I often feel about 5 years older than I really am, I have been able to connect better with guys who were older. But HJ was wise beyond his years too. Even though he was only 26 he seemed more like 33. I was intimidated by his past relationships, most of which had been long term and even one which include cohabitation. Also the fact that HJ had traveled around the world and been with lots of beautiful women caused me to doubt my self and my ability to make him happy. HJ could not figure out why I was so �body shy� when he would walk around freely with out a stitch of clothing on. He tried to convince me that he loved my body just the way it was and that I had no reason to want to try to cover it up. When I was in grad school, HJ e-mailed me. We re-connected but really just as friends and that was it. Last year I went back to TU�s homecoming and since I was flying into ATL airport and was spending the night in ATL, I suggested to HJ that we meet up, just as friends of course. He agreed but when the time came, he left me hanging, right after he told me that it was his kid that I heard walling in the background. It had been a couple of years since I had seen HJ but we had talked on occasion and never not once did he mention having a kid since the time we stopped messing around. After he told me the kids age, I did the math and figured out that he got the girl pregnant a few months after we stopped talking. There are some things that I just do not tolerate. One is being stood up. I was pissed at HJ for not at least calling and telling me he would be unable to meet up with me. I never did call HJ to find out why he was a no-show. Obviously he knew I was pissed cause he never bothered to call me and explain the situation. It wasn�t until this past February ( 5 months later) that I heard from HJ again. He sent me an e-mail letting me know that he was getting ready to go overseas. We re-connected again. Of course I really wanted to know why he had choose to keep the information about his little rugrat from me and why he stood me up. He confessed that he didn�t tell me about the kid cause he was embarrassed. He said that he has so much respect for me and that he thought that I would look at him differently if I knew that he had a kid with a woman that he didn�t even get along with. He basically stood me up because the Mom of the kid never showed up to pick up the baby like she was supposed to and he was dealing with that situation that night and just didn�t know how to call and tell me. HJ also told me that he recently found out that the kid was not even his. For some strange reason I breathed a sigh of relief when he told me the kid was not his. HJ and I eventually lost contact again. He went overseas and I have no way of locating him. Lucky for me though, my e-mail address has been the same for about 6 years now. HJ has been on my mind a lot ever since this whole war fiasco. When he told me in February that he was getting ready to go overseas, I burst into tears. I was so scared and worried for him. He tried to assure me that everything would be all right and he was going to a part of the middle-east that was a little more peaceful�whatever the hell that means. I have been wondering if I would ever hear from HJ again. The e-mail HJ sent this morning was so vague and he didn�t tell me where he was. He just said that even though war may appear over, it isn�t. Now I have to anxiously wait to hear back from him� |
1:01 p.m. || September 09, 2003 |
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