I'm tired and my Dad's a cheap bastard!
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I am so unbelievable tired. For some strange reason I just could not sleep last night. Part of it was because I was trying to stay awake so that I could pick my Mom up from the train station. She went out of town for a business trip and I was supposed to pick her up last night around 11:00. She didn�t call until around 12:00 am to tell me that her train was just getting in. When I came home I took my new sleep aid�half a glass of wine to mellow me out and put me to sleep. It didn�t work. I don�t know what the hell is wrong with my body lately. I have been having the worse menstrual cramps and hot flashes. Since I am only 24 it can�t possible be menopause�but damn, what the hell is wrong with me??? I just scheduled a doctors appointment�.It�s not until the end of January. Just Great! scratch that, I told them it was an emergency so it has been moved to Dec. 1 D called me around 8:30 last night. We were supposed to hang out on Tuesday evening but he stood me up. I didn�t even get a courtesy call. So of course I had to let him know that was not cool and he only has one mo time to flake on me without even calling. Apparently D has been in the Bay area for the last few days (that�s were he is originally from). I guess there was some emergency with the family�.I think. When I talked to D on Saturday he mentioned he might go home for the weekend, but I later found out that he didn�t go. I didn�t ask D what the family emergency was, because I don�t want to appear too nosey even though I�m dying of curiosity. D told me last night that he would tell me why he had to go home so suddenly (even though I told him he didn�t have too) but he wants to do it in person. I have been pondering all day long as to what the big �emergency� could possible be. My worse dream is that he tells me he got some chick pregnant 9 months ago and he went home to witness the birth of his son or daughter. I know, I know�I have a sick mind. But I am trying to come up with the worse possible scenario in order to prepare myself for some possibly shocking news. D and are supposed to get together tonight. I am sooooo tired from going to bed well after 2:00 am that I am tempted to call and tell D lets do it another day, but deep down I want to know what the hell is going on with his family so I�m going to keep the date just so I can be nosey. In other news�.. Lil Bro is graduating next month and I�m not going. I know I�m a rotten big sis�but money is just too damn funny right about now. I wanna go, really I do. He came to my undergrad graduation but the difference was at the time he was only 3 hours from me vs. me being a days plane ride away form him. Tickets from Cali to FL just aint cheap. I was going to ask my Dad to help me get a ticket until I found out that he spent way too much $$$ on plane tickets to the Bahamas for him and the new wifey. Fucking Bastard! I love my Dad but sometimes he just reiterates what scum men can be. He knows damn well my mom is busting her ass to keep my bro in school, keep him fed, clothed, and with shelter and this son-of-a-bitch is getting ready take his sorry ass and the new wife to the Bahamas. The worse part is my Mom just took out a high interest loan just so she could fly to FL for the graduation and so that she could fly my bro home for Christmas. My dad being the selfish punk he is, never ever bothered to ask about our plans to lil bro�s graduation. It�s obvious he could care less. I didn�t even know my dad was going to the graduation until last week. As it turns out, my Dad bought his plane ticket weeks ago. Grrr�that just frustrates the hell outta me. My Mom has asked my Dad to take out a parent loan for lil bro, when lil bro first went off to college. My mom already had taken out a loan for me and really did not want to take out another one. Of course my Dad refused to take out the loan, forcing my Mom to take out yet another loan. My Mom has supported both me and my bro all through our college years, sending us care packages weekly, money, buying us cars, paying for our insurance, flying us home for the holidays, and just supporting us relentlessly. It paid off. Lil bro is bout to graduate and go to medical school and I went on to get my masters and have a decent job. My Dad�s support throughout the years constituted of $125 dollars that he would send me and my brother monthly�or whenever he remembered. The money came in handy, but it does not compare to the money that mom has dished out over the years. The funny thing is, my Dad loves to brag about how successful his kids are to his friends, as if he played a major role in our success. My dad is the first one to buy a plane ticket to our graduations, but the last person we call when we need money because we know what his answer will be�.NO! I don�t know why I assumed my Dad would offer to pay for my plane ticket when I told him I was not going to lil bro�s graduation because I did not have the money. He just shrugged his shoulders and said �Oh�. I was fuming mad and it took everything in me not to call him what he is, a cheap fucking bastard that won�t even pay for his daughter go see her lil bro graduate from college, even though I know the SOB has the money. The bad part is, I have been avoiding lil bro. I have not told lil bro I�m not coming to his graduation. I already know what lil bro will say, �Pearl, don�t worry about coming to my graduation, I will be home for Christmas anyways, I know money is tight�. But deep down I know he would want me to be there. |
4:47 p.m. || November 20, 2003 |
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