A dream I pray will never come true
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I had a really frightening dream a few weeks ago. I dreamed that my Aunt could no longer fight the cancer battle and past away. Since that dream, I have been scared to call her to see how she was doing. The last time I talked to her she told me that they discovered another tumor growing on her rib cage and the chemo is no longer shrinking the current tumors and that her Oncology care would be transferred to Stanford or UCSF so that she can participate in some of the cancer clinical trials in hopes of finding something that will fight the tumors. Needless to say, the conversation was depressing as hell and as I sat in my desk at work, listening to her tell me what was going on with her body, I could not help but to let a few tears fall. I was calling to cheer her up and so I never let her know that I was crying. It was a few weeks later that I had the dream. Yesterday evening my mom called to tell me things with my Aunt still are not going well. The tumors have begun to grow now and my Aunt was feeling very depressed and frustrated. My aunt has been trying to stay positive lately. After all she has two teenage children, one leaving for college next month, that she HAS to live for. I have once again been recruited to call my Aunt and cheer her up. I have yet to figure out how to do that when just thinking about what she is going through and the thought that we may lose her depresses the hell out of me. I never did tell my Mom about my dream or that I have those types of dreams that on occasion end up being real life situations. I experienced a sort of D�j� vu as a result of my past dreams and this too frightens me. |
3:45 p.m. || July 19, 2006 |
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