So what if I'm not a deep thinker, after all it's just the thought that counts.
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I am beginning to feel like my diary is so redundant. The most important things in my life seem to have to do with men, money, and me. So that�s basically what I write about. But the shit is even starting to bore the hell outta me. It�s time once again for a change. I could talk about me weekend�but what�s their to talk about?? Friday I went to visit my 91-year-old grandfather after my Mom hounded me for more than two weeks about stopping by to say hello�After my visit with my grandfather I went to pick up my nieces so they could spend the night with me. Saturday I took the girls paddle boating at my apartment then we went swimming. Later I took them home and visited with my sister and her church friends for a little bit. And on Sunday I lounged at home, washed my hair, clipped coupons out the Sunday paper and went out to eat with my Mom, sister, and her church friends again in celebration of my oldest nieces birthday, which was Friday. Boring huh�exactly why I didn�t want to go into detail about it. I remember when I was in undergrad we had to take a seminar type class. One of the tasks in that class was that we had to keep a journal for the whole semester. It was supposed to be a way to reflect on issues in our lives that may stir up emotions. The class was supposed to prepare us to deal with future clients that may have a ton of emotional issues. It was one of those touchy feely social work classes full of black women with attitude. Our teacher, Ms. G was one of my favorites and she always found ways to evoke emotion from the class even though most of us in the class acted like hard asses and like nothing affected us. For two weeks I wrote consistently in my journal about the things that seemed most important in my life. By the third week I turned it into Ms. G so that she could read it. I was excited to get my journal back and read her comments. Ms. G always inspired and encouraged me to improve my writing and usually gave me really helpful tips. When I got my journal back and read thru her comments I was hurt. She basically called me self-absorbed and that I should concentrate less on boys and more on learning about me. I refused to talk to Ms. G for about a week. She eventually noticed my distance and called me into her office after class one day. I explained to her how her words in my journal really hurt me. It was after all MY journal so how could anyone judge my thoughts, feeling and emotions. Ms. G told me things about my self that I have never ever shared with anyone. But she was able to see past my protective mask and see the "real" me. I was amazed that someone who didn�t know me that well was able to basically read me from cover to cover. Ms. G told me that I was going to read my journal entries in 6 months and would appear shallow even to myself. She was right. Not a whole lot has changed since then. The only difference is back then I got offended when someone called me shallow and self-absorbed. Now I just agree with people who call me that. I do have a deep side (sometimes). I'm very passionate and sincere when it comes to certain issues such as race and feminism and can get pretty deep when I discuss those topics. But I�m not a big analytical thinker. Movies like the Matrix, Minority Report, and Vanilla Sky I will never get because you have to dig too much into the script to get to the plot. I hate crossword puzzles because it requires you to do too much thinking. For example I was looking at the crossword puzzle in the paper today, one of the clues was �a fancy hairnet�. My guess would be a shower cap. The correct answer is a snood. What the hell is a snood?? I had to go look that shit this is what Webster had to say about it 1a: a fillet or band for a woman's hair b : a net or fabric bag pinned or tied on at the back of a woman's head for holding the hair up here is a pic of a snood See what I�m sayin�I�m just not a deep thinker like that. The research center that I work for has weekly journal club meetings. We get different research articles that we are supposed to read and discuss the following week. When I do make it to the journal club meetings, I usually just sit back and listen. I can never think of something real creative to say that is not already pointed out in the article. The last thing I want to do is sound like a dweeb in front of all the big time PhD faculty who do research for a living. But I�m okay with my shallow mind. That doesn�t mean I�m dumb. I�m just an "on the surface" kinda girl. Sometimes it may take me a few more tries to really "get it" and sometimes I won't get it at all. I don�t know if I have mentioned this before but I am a huge Oprah fan. I can�t wait to get a new VCR so that I can tape Oprah and Dr. Phil everyday because I feel like I am missing so much when I miss their shows. I hope to one day to make it to Chicago so I can see an actual taping of Oprah before she stops hosting. I�m trying to figure out how I can get to So Cal soon to see Dr. Phil too. I was looking on the Oprah website and saw that she has an online journal site . The site was interesting and gave some helpful pointers on how to get a journal started, topics to discuss and even lets you post your journal entries so that the public can read them. Similar to Diaryland�but Oprah aint got nothing on D�Land (yet). I surfed around her site for a while and came across some interesting journal topics that I had to write down for future entries. I decided I may be shallow but I got a little depth to me and it�s about time I let the world...okay maybe not the world...but you readers know that I�m not really obsessed with the 3 m�s (men, money and me)...I�m only obsessed with 2 of them Me and $$$. (just kiddin) |
12:30 p.m. || September 29, 2003 |
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