Miss me huh?? Good I deserve to be missed!
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I guess it took me ignoring Bro. A for almost a month for him to finally realize that I am the shit!! Naw just kidding. After I wrote that last entry (last Thursday, I think) guess who signed into messenger??? That�s right Bro. A. By the time I finished writing the entry I was fired up and ready to give him a good tongue-lashing. But I maintained my cool, I didn�t let him know I knew he has been reading my diary. I just chatted with him like old times. Next thing I know, Bro. A is apologizing for his lose lips and telling me that he has been lying to himself about how he really feels about me. Awww...aint that sweet (LOL). So I have been taken thru a loop again. Bro. A is cool and I miss our friendship, but after what happened, I think my feelings for him may have changed a bit. Besides I really want to see where things go between me and J-mac. That sounds so dumb even coming from my mouth. Just knowing the history that me and J-mac have should be reason enough for me to throw on my Nikes and run far away from him as fast as I can. But there is something heavy in my heart that keeps me anchored to him. I know it�s sickening. Bro. A claims he did not read my diary. He says he came to the site but figured there would be some bashin going and he was not up for reading about it. Mmm hmm yeah right. I would hate to call him a liar but...I don�t believe him. I know he has been reading and I think that�s why he finally apologized. I accepted his apology and was relieved that he finally realized that I was hurt (which I�m sure he read in my diary). I keep having flash backs of those two nights Bro. A and I had together (which get me all hot and bothered * whew *). Sexual compatibility will make anyone give someone a second, third and even a fourth try. It just seems as though we may be an unlikely match given the distance. Neither one of us can afford to fly cross-country for bi-monthly visits. Big L is one step from being on my Big L: What are you doing? Me: I�m at the mall. Big L: Whatcha gonna by me? Me: * laugh * nothing. Shoot I can barely buy me something. Big L: Oh. So what are you doing later when you get home? Me: Nothing, why? Big L: After the game I am going to come by. Me: (silence) Big L: Hello?? Me: I�m still here. Big L: Oh my bad, is ok if I stop by? Me: I don�t think so, not tonight. Big L: why not, you got company coming thru? Me: (switch to defensive mod) No! Big L: Oh, my bad. I just thought you might want some company. Me: I don't think so, not tonight. I could not believe this boy had the audacity to invite his mutha fuckin ass over my house. If I wanted company, I would have invited him over. That shit cracked me up. I just met this fool and he thought he was coming to my house...at night...without a first date. No, no, no...Blackpearl does not work that way. I don�t like Big L enough to be inviting him over to my house at 10:00 at night. We just aint that cool yet...and if he keeps acting like this we won�t ever be that cool. Obviously Big L did not learn from Friday�s incident not to call me at night and expect me to want to hang out at the last minute. Shit I need more advance notice than that. He got lucky the first night we met that I was not busy. But like I said that was pure luck. Big L called on Saturday at 8:30 again and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. I told him I already had plans for the night. He reminded me that we were supposed to hang out that day and I had to let him know that when I didn�t hear from him until 8:30 at night...his plans with me got canceled. He�ll learn. Is it wrong to pray to lose weight?? I hope note. I�m doing the slim fast thing this week in hopes of dropping a few pounds (I�m praying 10lbs) before next weekend when J-mac makes his debut in Cali. Slim fast week is going to be hell...Not because it�s a hard to stick with it...well it is kinda hard to stick with especially when co-workers offer to buy you breakfast at McDonalds (which I absolutely LOVE!). Over the last year or so I have been having a lactose problem. Now whenever I drink milk I get really bad gas. (I know that�s gross, sorry) It�s really just milk that gives me the most problems. I don�t eat enough cheese or eat enough ice cream for it to have that much effect on me. But if I have a bowl of cereal...watch out. I�m just going to have to live with the gas this week. I will probably be running to the bathroom every few minutes but at least I will get some exercise in. I don�t even know why I am making a big deal about losing ten pounds for J-mac. I�m already 10 pounds lighter than I was the last time I saw him. And if it�s one thing J-mac loves...it�s thick women. J-mac knows how I feel about my weight and one night we were laying in bed talking and he kept telling me how much he loves my body. I kept protesting pointing out my fat thighs, big butt and curvy stomach. He just looked at me and said in his country twang "Don�t nobody wanna a bone but a dog, I�m a real man and I like meat on my women!" See why I�m crazy about him. He made me feel a little better about lying there butt naked with all my dents, dings, crevices and rolls being exposed. Even though J-mac has a way with words, I still need to lose the weight for me. |
1:15 p.m. || October 20, 2003 |
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