job issues, bro A., and Me & My Shit
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Okay, so I have been on hiatus for a week. I still been stopping thru, readin up on some of ya�ll, just have not done any reflecting of my own. I really don�t have a good reason, there is so much shit going on in this freakin world that I�m sure I could have came up with an opinion to share with the rest of you. But I guess I have been kinda lazy and busy with the new gig and all. Hey I been at my new job for two whole months now! WTG Me!! And I aint cussed out one white person yet (although I have been tempted). I made the mistake of watching Rosewood last night. They had the movie on sale at RiteAid for $4.00 so you know I had to get it. As much as that movie pissed me off it is really good. There are a couple of snotty girls that I work with. Since my office moved to a new building a couple of weeks ago, I have the privilege of sitting by the two wenches. One of them has only spoken to me when she needed something and I have no so much as heard a peep from the other one. I thought that when we moved to our new location and now that I sit by them that maybe they would speak to me more, but nopE...I walk-in in the morning and say "Good Morning" and they just look at me as if I�m speakin a forbidden foreign language or somthin. I said my good morning greetings the first couple of days in the new building and since they never so much as said hello after I greeted them, I was like fuck-it. I aint sayin shit else to them. But of course as soon as they need something from me they all in my mofo grill. Sheesh. Besides the two wenches, my job is quite lovely. I like what I do, never thought I would enjoy research, but so far so good. Most of my other co-workers are cool. They don�t really say much either and I�m realizing that this is just the culture here at the 'Center'. Im getting used to it. The 4 blacks that do work for the Center are spread out. Of course in my head I think it�s a conspiracy that they moved us to this new building and now they have us all spread out in our different corners of the building�yep we all have a corner...sometimes I feel like I�m in time-out or sumthin. I guess I should not complain, at least I�m not all out in the open being exposed like I was at the last building. And now I have a window that over looks a busy street. I often catch myself daydreaming and starring out the window. Even though us black folks are in our different regions, we still sit together and do stuff together. Sometimes I can�t help but to laugh out loud at what these white folks think when they see us all together. It�s funny that on my first day of work, not one white person came and introduced themselves to me or made me feel welcome. But the two black people immediately came up to me and introduced themselves and made plans to have lunch one day (the other black person is the one who hired me and I already knew her). And they wonder "Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?" If you have not read that book by Beverly Daniel Tantum�.I highly recommend it. Most of us black folks (and even Hispanics and Asians) know why...but for some reason some white folks seem to be a little clueless. The book is really good and thought provoking. Okay on to a lighter subject (I think)... I am soooooooooooo nervous. Bro. A. and I are still going strong. We talk damn near everyday and are on IM most of the day too. So we decided if things are going this good online�.why not meet in person? We arranged a weekend that he can come to Cali and it�s set. September 11, 2003. Plane ticket is already bought; there is no turning back now. Oh Lawd what I done got myself into??. So now those dreaded �What If�s are wrecking havoc on my brain. 1. What if...He is not as cute as the pic. 2. What if...That aint really him on the pic. (if ya�ll don�t hear from me after 9/11/03...assume I�m in jail for killin that boy for being fraudulent and misleading) 3. What if...We don�t get along in person 4. What if...We have nothing in common. 5. What if...He is abusive. (again I will be in jail for killiln the mofo) 6. What if...He does not like me. 7. What if... He thinks I�m fat and ugly. 8. What if�We get into a bad argument�can I kick him out of my house with no where to go? (ummm�hell yeah�so I guess he better not get on my bad side) What if..What if...What if... The list goes on and on...
I have a month in a half to try to relieve some anxieties. Although I have a feeling they are only going to get worse. The good part is...I WILL HAVE MY OWN DAMN PLACE!!!!!! That�s right people�s the days of livin with my mother are almost over! As of 9-01-03...I will be livin all by my lonesome. And I can�t wait. I can finally walk around MY OWN house butt ass naked if I want too. No more trying to stay warm in my mom�s house when she is having her own "private summers" (aka..menopause induced hot flashes). I can set my thermostat at 80 degrees and not worry about havin someone bitch at me cause it�s too hot. I no longer have to wake up during the winter and see my own breath cause it�s 50 degrees in the house. Oh my lord, I�m getting moist just thinking about finally having a place of my own. No roommates, no pets, no parents, no mooching family members, no nuttin. Just me and my shit and my shit and me!!! |
2:53 p.m. || August 04, 2003 |
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