Yesterday, I cried........
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I did a good job of holding back the tears as I sat in a meeting and listened to happy and excited people laugh and crack jokes. I wanted to laugh too. I wanted to feel good. But I felt nothing but dejection. I took the unsteady and slow walk to my car (will explain later) and just as I opened the door and painfully climbed in, the tears fell like they have never fell before. I could and cannot understand for the life why my body insists on betraying me week after week. I did everything right this past week. I worked out four days I was cautious and contentious about the things that went into my mouth and still, I gained 1.2lbs. The biggest gain since I began WW. For 8 minutes I sat in my car and cried, hoping that somehow through the tears I would recognize what I am doing wrong. I need to know. I don�t want to continue thinking I am doing the right thing and end up with the results I have been getting. The weight loss process is beyond frustrating. Just when I think I am beginning to get a decent grasp on the in�s and out�s, the rights and wrongs, I get the biggest, hardest slap in the face. I don�t deserve it. After 5 weeks, I am right back were I started. Literally. I weighed in yesterday at the exact same weight that I weighed 5 weeks ago. When I signed up with the gym a month ago, I was given 4 free sessions with a personal trainer. I decided to finally take advantage of the service on Sunday and the trainer did what she was supposed to do. I am grateful for the things that she taught me in that hour but I am dealing with the most painful muscle pulls I have ever experienced. All muscles from my waist to my knees hurt with every move I make, making walking a painful task. Climbing up out of my seat or into bed and even into my truck hurt like hell. But like I said, I learned a lot and am beginning to realize where my focus needs to be. I finally decided to start tracking my inches. If the scale insists on betraying me week after week, I am hoping to at least see some new results displayed by the tape measure. I am really trying to remain hopeful. |
9:14 a.m. || November 02, 2004 |
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