Confessional Wednesday came a day early.
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I know I said that I was not planning on updating for awhile, but I just could not resist. Yes this is the second one today and it's another long one,so what! I should be at the second job right now, but instead I�m at home, chillin and enjoying every minute of it. I blew off the second job because I was so tired. Why so tired?? Had a late night. Oh yeah, did I mention I left the second job early last night. Why did I leave early? I needed to get home and prep myself for an evening of sex. (Now you know why I am so damn tired.) D reminded me why I enjoy older men so much. They take their time. (Exhaling). I�m waiting for D to call me back. I have a feeling there is going to be a repeat of last night. I know some of ya�ll are thinking �damn she moves fast� but after months and months of manual stimulation, it�s nice to get the real thing. I definitely can relate to signomifly and the 6 month drought. I remember them days and I aint tryin to go back. Confessional Wednesday I know I�m a day early, but this is just in case I don�t make it here tomorrow and I missed last week, so here it goes. Confession. Ari seemed to get a kick out of this, and you may have figured it out from this clue,. I don�t know why but I�m embarrassed to admit it, ok here goes�.I have never ever ever, ever performed oral sex on a guy. Whew..ok it�s out there. Why you ask� I have no idea. It�s just seems kinda gross to me. I have come really close with J-mac, but he ruined the whole mood when he opened up his mouth and was like �just do it already�. That was about 2 or 3 years ago and ever since then, I don�t even move my mouth to far south for fear I might be teasing the guy and he may be expecting something that I am not ready to give. The reason that I decided to confess that is because I�m seriously thinking of giving oral sex a try. Well actually I have been thinking about it for awhile. I enjoy good sex as much as the next person and I feel selfish at times when guys hook me up and I don�t return the favor. J-mac was going to get what he has been waiting years for when he came for a visit, but he fucked up when he turned his back on me. Maybe I will give it a try. Maybe I�m still not ready. Or maybe I need to grow the fuck up and just realize that oral sex aint as gross at it may look. -------------------------------- I have said this before but I will say it again. I�m not as na�ve as people may think. Just because I don�t open my mouth and say something does not mean that I am not listening, thinking and paying very close attention. D may not be all that he appears. I knew something was up because at times he can be so damn wishy washy. Meaning we make plans and suddenly they get cancelled, I know sometimes he screens my calls and I rarely hear form him on the weekends.
Of course I never said anything to him about my suspicions. I just pay close attention to what�s going on and take detailed notes in my head. Yesterday when D and I were on our way back to his office after lunch, I saw a car that looked like his. As I was pulling into a parking space I said �Is that your car?, Oh never mind it can�t be, it has Delta plates on it� He didn�t say a thing. Later as I was leaving I asked him where his car was. I notcied that the car that I thought was his, was still in the parking lot. D pointed in the opposite direction of where his car was and said it was on the other side of the parking lot. Of course I�m thinking he was lying his ass off. On my way to the car, I went by the car he claimed was not his. Inside the car was a big poster of the company he works for. I also noticed that the car not only had Delta plates in the back but it also had UCLA alumni plates on the front. Last time I checked, Delta Sigma Theta Inc. was an all black FEMALE sorority. And according to D, he did not go to UCLA. D saw me walk up to the car. He was looking at me from his office window. After seeing the evidence, I was just completely confused. I knew something was up. There are very few men I know that are 6�3 that drive a two door Nissan Sentra. I just assumed that D was a thrifty person and did not want to spend money on an expensive flashy car or that he was saving up his money for a new car. But all the signs are there. The car has to be a females car, I just have not figured out the relationship between D and the real owner of the car. Before I could even get on the freeway good to head back to work, D called me. The first thing he asked was �what�s up�. Sound like a guilty man to me. I played that shit off so damn cool, he had no idea what I was thinking. I made myself completely clear that I don�t mess around with men in relationships, I don�t tolerate lying and I have no intention of moving forward with him if I don�t get the complete and honest truth. D claims that he bought the car from a women who is a Delta a year or so ago. He just never cared to take the UCLA or Delta plates off. (I guess he thinks I�m Boo Boo da Fool and I�m supposed to believe his lie). He tried to convince me that the car was his and that he just bought four brand new tires for it. My thoughts: Well shit, you been driving �ol girls car on a regular, you better replace her mutha fuckin tires. Ya�ll know I went to an HBCU. I know how black Greeks are about their letters (afterall, I was close to being one my damn self). If a Delta sold the car to him, she would have taken her damn plates with her. Oh and did I mention that today when we met for dinner, I was walking to my car, D went back in the restaurant to use the restroom, I peeped inside his car and saw the Delta letters hanging from a string on the rear view mirror. So if the mystery women didn�t bother to unscrew her plates and take them with her, I�m sure she would have grabbed her letters hanging from the rear view mirror. Right??? Anyways, D claims he is not dating anyone else, he is not married and that he does not have a girlfriend. Do I believe him?? Do I have much choice?? After all, I have no proof that he has a girlfriend. All though some of the evidence does not quite add up. I�m trying to give D the benefit of doubt. He claims he is telling me the truth. I guess that I have to take his word as being the truth until I can prove otherwise. And you best believe that I am paying even closer attention now, cause I just have a funny feeling. I don�t plan to stop messing with D yet. I�m enjoying the sexual benefits just a little too much. I�m just trying not to get too attached. But I�m an emotional person and I will admit that I like D. I keep thinking I need to just cut my ties with D now and go back to being lonely and relying on Big Boy. Ah hell, there I go again. I�m running from what if�s and could be�s. I�m just going to give the man a chance and pray he does not end up on my Shit List. |
8:03 p.m. || December 23, 2003 |
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Moving day - October 08, 2007 |