I am ready
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Have you ever had a feeling that was just so damn good that you wanted to share it with every one you knew? But at the same time, you didn�t want to tell any one to for fear that they would take away from your good feeling with negativity or they just would not truly understand and appreciate that new euphoric feeling that you were experiencing. Mr. Man (the new guy) has been fantastic. He is what I have been wanting. What I have been waiting for. What I knew still existed but was having a helluva time finding. I am trying hard not to get my hopes up too high for fear that he will be another D or Dogg or J-mac or B; another man that says what I like to hear but very rarely acts on his word. Mr. Man is 35. A whole 10 years older than me. An age difference that I have never experienced before. And the man is tall! 6�4 to be exact. A height that I also have never experienced before. He has a job. And a good one at that. He is divorced and has 5 year old daughter from his marriage. As difficult as it is dating someone with children and who was previously married, I am willing to give him a chance. I hear how he talks of his daughter and I can see the happy feeling and the unconditional love he has for her when he shows me the various pictures from different stages of her life. A characteristic that is extremely attractive. It�s only been a week and two days since I met him. But it feels so much longer. We talk everyday. He is turning me into a believer. I believe him when he says my body is perfect. I believe him when he tells me that I am gorgeous. I believe him when he tells me that I will be his girl. I believe him when he says he will call, because he does. He is a doer. Saturday night, after the crab feed, I took him some leftover crab. He asked for the crab and says that it was his excuse to get me over to his house. I took him the crab and that was my excuse for going to his house. It was late. And for a long time, I avoided his touch, knowing what it would do. And it did. My plan is to try something new. My plan is to wait on jumping into anything that can lead to complication and heartache. My plan is to learn more about this man who is constantly on my mind. We watched TV, we played 20 questions, we hugged, we kissed, we talked then I went home (with wet undies). Last night, he came over to my house. The strength that I never new I had was what kept me from climbing on him. His touch sends waves through my body. His kisses cause explosions. His whispers cause chills. His smell causes my eyes to roll far back in my head when I inhale. And when I finally exhale, I get scared to take my next breathe for fear it won�t be nearly as good as the last. I explained to him my reason behind wanting to wait. It�s been too many men that I should have waited on to avoid my disappointment that followed only weeks later. I�m tired of the disappointments. I�m tired of having regrets. I�m tired of feeling used up. I�m tired of feeling like a dumping ground for worthless dicks. I can wait. He is worth waiting for. I am worth waiting for. And he agrees. I get scared. Scared that this amazing feeling won�t last. There is something there. Quite possible that same something that insisted on me going on the bus trip last week rather than the awards breakfast. It was if the universe new we needed to meet. Something about Mr. Man seems different from the others. And I am ready for this good feeling he is causing to last beyond the first two weeks. I am ready. |
11:23 a.m. || February 28, 2005 |
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