A fooler made a fool of
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I like practical jokes�ok, so I really like pulling practical jokes on other people. I�m not always thrilled when they are done to me. But I have a good sense of humor so even when I am made a fool, I laugh. I will admit, Bups got me good with that Love Test last week. I laughed my ass off when I realized that I had just shared some pretty private stuff with her. Of course, I will get even (you have been forewarned)!!! In the meantime, I just had to fool some people too. It worked!! This morning I checked my email and sure enough, I had a few culprits. Now, unlike Buppie, I am a noisy as hell so I read the responses. B was one of my victims. I was surprised to see he actually completed the test cause that usually aint his type of thing. But he finished it and I was thrown for a loop at the first response, which asks, �Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? He answered, �YES�. B and I just had this long conversation last week about why we are not together. He insists that it is me not wanting to commit. I will admit that part of that is true. I refuse to commit to a boy that is not ready for a relationship. And B is not ready. I know this to be true because I heard the words spoken from his own mouth. So, since I am not the girlfriend, I can�t help but wonder who is? I asked B last week (during this same relationship talk) if he was dating any one else. I just need to know where I stand with him and before I make the trip to visit him. He told me that he was not dating anyone else. B knows from my constant reminders that I insist on knowing the truth. I can deal with adversities more calmly and humanly if I hear them first hand rather than from discovering the ugly truths on my own. In 10 days, I will be on my way to visit him again. I�m trying to decide whether or not to bring up the girlfriend answer or to just leave it be and ask him in person. I am scared to find out that indeed he has a girlfriend. I don�t think I could make that trip knowing that kind of information. This will likely be the last trip visiting B for a while. After the conversation we had last week, I realized that I want more from this man then he is willing and able to give me at this time. There is no sense in continuing this �thing� if nothing is going to happen. As it is, B can have me when he wants me and at the same time have whomever else he wants. I�m not okay with that. I deal with it, but I don�t like it. I�m not going to give B an ultimatum or anything like that. But he needs to know that I want and deserve more. I am still very much looking forward to the visit next week. It�s been too damn long since I had a kiss that made my toes curl and a hug that caused my heart to skip a beat. B has that affect on me. It drives me crazy knowing that my heart and body betray my mind when I get around him. At the same time, the feeling is one I wish I could experience with him everyday. |
9:25 a.m. || November 22, 2004 |
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