my glutton -filled weekend
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I had a great glutton-filled weekend. Friday when I got off work I was tired but didn�t really want to just go home and spend the rest of the night in the bed. So I decided to take a short nap. I woke up when I heard my mom come home. She already had plans for the evening. So I called Tiff. She had plans too. And I took Rie to the airport that morning so I realized that I was going to be forced to spend my Friday night alone. Instead of being in the house the whole night, I decided to go and lust after clothes that I can�t afford in the mall. I think God was sending me a message. I had no business what so ever going to the mall. I got half way to the mall when I realized that my check engine light in my car had come on. God if your up there...I hear you loud and clear. I promise to stay away from the mall when I don�t have money to spend. Just please please let BB be okay. (you know I gotta give everything a name. BB is the name of my car..it�s short for Black Beauty) Awww shit.. Just what I don�t need. I am moving in less than a week and really can not afford to have car trouble now. Even though I could not hear anything wrong with my car and it was running fine, I immediately turned around, to head home cause I don�t want no trouble. I would hate for my car to stop in the middle of a busy ass street. People here are not really prone to help a stranded woman. By the time I got home I was so upset and mad and depressed that I decided I needed to relax. And what better way to relax than to make it a blockbuster (or in my case a Hollywood video) and pizza night. I got home parked my car in the garage and hoped into my mom�s old car...the faithful Camry. I went to video store and then to Papa Murphy�s to get their 4.99 large pepperoni pizza...mmmm mmmm good. I had no business getting pizza since I had only been to the gym once this week but oh well. I was mad and depressed and what better way to drown my sorrows than in pepperoni pizza and pepsi. Saturday we went to a football game. Grambling was playing San Jose State in San Jose. Now it is a very rare treat to have a black college playing in Cali. I am trying to remember ever hearing of an HBCU (for those that don�t know, HBCU stands for Historical Black College and Universities) playing a football game out here. I was excited to be going to the game and of course seeing the band. Most people who have been to a black college football game know that we are really going to see the halftime show. I was shocked and amazed at all the black people that came out for the game...and nobody acted a fool. Now that is even rarer. To have a bunch of brotha�s and sistah�s in Cali and nobody is fighting or shooting. The atmosphere was so nice, I felt like I was back in undergrad. I was mad as hell that I had to be at the game with my Mom, my aunt, and my 14 year old cousin and her friend. All the fine black brotha�s that were there, I was ready to mingle. I see I�m gonna have to kick Rie�s ass when she gets back. She was supposed to go to the game with us, but nooooo she had to go to MS to hang out with some dude she met at the Essence Fest. (yeah I�m hatin). I had a good time at the game even though it was hot as hell. I was not expectin it to be that warm in the bay area. Whohooo I�m not really yellow anymore. My ass done turned bout 4 shades darker from sittin in the sun for bout 3 hours. Of course we had to bounce after halftime. All that sun was getting to me. Sunday I did absolutely NOTHING and I loved every minute of it. I spent time reading my new book, watching Lifetime movies, and eating. Not the most healthy way to start the week, but oh well. I�m gonna get back on track. On to another subject~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I guess guys must think I�m stupid and na�ve. They think that because I don�t blow every little thing out of proportion that I am not completely aware of whats being said and whats ging on. Little do they know that I pay attention to details and I listen for fabrications in stories, but I just keep my damn mouth shut...it�s not always an easy task but I do it anyways (at least most of the time). I was just on messenger with Bro A. and he is telling me about the weekend he just had with some chick. A few weeks ago, Bro A. told me he was going to a concert in Nashville. I didn�t ask questions although I knew that he was going with a girl. And when I found out that he spent the night up there and went to the movies, I knew instantly that he was hanging out with another female. No big deal. I can�t really get jealous...right?? Bro A. did mention to me last week that one of his "homegirls" was coming for a visit. The way he phrased it was so nonchalant that I assumed that the girl coming for a visit was really just a friend. I didn�t think she was going to be staying with him at his house. I guess that�s what I get for assuming. Although I kinda suspected that the homegirl was a little more than a homegirl. Hell, I know I make the same reference when I am trying to downplay one of my guy friends. Bro. A is telling me about his weekend and why he stopped hanging out with the girl in the past, and I�m thinking to myself why is he telling me this?? Does he really want me to be jealous? I know I don�t have a right to be but I don�t really have a whole lotta control over my emotions and feelings. I don�t even know why I�m jealous. We have not met yet; we are not in a relationship. He is free to date whoever he pleases and so am I. It does bother me a bit to know that he had relations with this girl...okay so I don�t know for sure. I�m not gonna ask him. But I know that ol� girl aint gonna drive a couple hundred miles to sit and talk the whole weekend. I�m sure she came to visit with Bro A. but she also came to get her screws tightened. I�m not stupid and I have had those type of visits before...and plan on having one again in September. But that�s what bothers me. I�m not really the type to mess with a dude that I know is having sex with other women. Just not safe to do shit like that now-a-days. But I can�t control what Bro. A does in TN. Bro. A asked me how I felt about him having another chick visiting him. I just said I don�t know. I have a hard time expressing my feelings, especially to men. I feel too vulnerable when men know how I�m feeling and I let them get to close. I hate having people play with my emotions cause they know they can. I usually try to keep my sensitive emotions to myself until the time is right. Even though I�m jealous as hell, I�m not going to tell him. Maybe later if we are still close. But right now, he does not need to know all that...unless he still reads my diary, then he will know. |
10:45 a.m. || August 25, 2003 |
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