FREE to be me.....
|
What is it about turning 26 that suddenly makes you question the clothes you wear, the way you do your makeup and the overwhelming desire to wear flat comfortable shoes rather then the high heeled boots and sandals that have adorned your feet for so many years and dubbed you a fashion Diva? I am feeling old. My knees crack when I bend. I noticed that I turn sideways when I walk down stairs to avoid the crackling and the pinch in my knees. I have a right ankle that does not tolerate heels so well since I did something weird to it last month at the gym (a possible sprang but I don�t remember injury which caused the two weeks worth of pain), a left foot that has been hurting for a year and a half now. After two doctor appointments that have resulted in nothing more than an order to stop wearing high heels and to wear arch supports, I still have no idea what is wrong with my foot. Just that I have chronic pain. My right wrist has a possible small fracture that healed with out a cast. I banged my wrist into a wall last December when my Mom and I were on the cruise ship. For two months I had pain and some swelling in my wrist but I never bothered going to the doctor. Instead I suffered through the pain and avoided certain movements until the pain slowly lessened. Now the pain and stiffness is apparent in the morning, when it really cold outside and after prolonged use of my mouse. Last week I had the PT that I work with measure the range of motion in both of my wrists. Not surprising I have perfect ROM in my left wrist (the wrist I broke as a kid) and limited ROM in my right wrist (the wrist with a possible fracture). And I am only 26! Mr. Man has been a worthless piece of shit this weekend. I was blessed with his help for half of the day on Friday and since that time he has not bothered to help me do shit. It�s frustrating as hell. He wants me to be able to depend on him and make him feel like a man and that he is needed. It�s pretty damn hard to do when the realization is that I can�t depend on him. He has a million and one excuses that he likes to use when I really need him to step up and I am tired of hearing every single one of them. Although it was agreed upon that I would move out, I don�t think that he is taking it well. I think he is picking fights with me on purpose. I will admit that my patience has been short over the last few weeks. I have been extra irritable and a lot of it has to with the move and being on a prolonged period last week (totally unlike me and another possible sign of aging). I am sick to death of moving and tired of people saying they will help out and they never do. Mr. Man says mentally, I moved out 3 weeks ago. I can�t deny that I stopped doing many of the tasks that I did before at his home such as cooking, cleaning, doing his daughters hair and spending extra time with her and her schoolwork. I figured he would have to learn to survive with out me and I was tired of feeling underappreciated. It didn�t help that I was working the second job and not getting home until 11:00pm. I was miserable. Now, I am beginning to feel free again. Free to come and go without question. Free to do as I please without worrying if I am going to offend someone else. Free to be selfish and think of only me again. As much as I may complain about adulthood being overrated, I am ready to feel like an adult again and be responsible for me. And if Mr. Man does not get his own issues in check, I will be completely FREE! |
10:15 a.m. || December 12, 2005 |
Navigate
|
current |
THE GIRL
|
.... |
LAST 5
|
Moving day - October 08, 2007 |