trying to fix the boredome that has become my life
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Don�t ask me what happened to that witty, semi-drama filled Pearl that once updated every other day or so. She seems to have retrieved into a deep part of me that I can�t seem to get to. I will sadly admit to myself that I have become a bore. I know that it appears as though lately all that is on my mind is Mr. Man. Indeed he has become a major part of my life, but he is not my life. I will acknowledge that at times it can be hard not to be consumed by someone who even with all his flaws is perfect for me. However, I don�t ever want to be one of those chicks that gets a man and forgets about the rest of the world. I have never been good at keeping in touch. My friendships have suffered because of it. I use that as an excuse. I know I should do better. I will try to do better. Even though I have not kept in touch, you are on my mind and I am always thinking of you and wishing you much luck. (does that count as keeping in touch?) I finally told Tiff that Mr. Man and I were moving in. I�m not sure the type of reaction I expected from her. Often my good news sends her into some weird funk. Instead of sending me congrats or other well wishes, she turned my good news into a story about her 6 year on again/off again and ridiculously weird relationship with a man that lives in NYC. Like a good friend, I listened, offered advice when asked and was there for support. I have learned to allow Tiff to be selfish. I am excited about my new relationship but instead of sharing my warm and fuzzy feelings with her, I allowed her to share with me the same drama she has had with this man for years. The same drama that I have heard time and time again. I have learned that our friendship works better when my life outside of her remains out of the equation. I have instead taken refuge in Stac. She is genuinely happy and excited about my new relationship and new journey. She offers support, advice and a listening ear. All things I need right now from a friend. Of course Rie is there too. Lord knows I would be at a complete loss if she were not there for me. Back in April sometime, I let J-mac (remember him?) know that I was pretty serious about Mr. Man and the late night phone calls were no longer appropriate. My intention was never to ruin my friendship with J-mac and he insisted that he would keep in touch but promised it would not be at 3 or 4�o clock in the morning. I have not heard from him since that weird yet must have conversation. I miss him and long to hear his nickname for me. I have not decided on whether or not pursuing a friendship with him is going to be worth it although it is hard to imagine never talking to him again. I have not seen Mr. Man since Tuesday morning. I am leaving work in 15 minutes and heading straight to his house so that I can get my Mr. Man fix. |
11:49 a.m. || June 24, 2005 |
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Moving day - October 08, 2007 |