[Not so] Welcome [ home]
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I used to wake up in the morning and begin the count down to when I could return back to my house, strip off all my clothes, and lounge around with my hair wrapped up in a ugly, old, worn scarf and the ugliest, but most comfortable grandma looking pj�s I could find. Not anymore. I have roommates now. Which means that I try to spend as little time at home as possible. Just knowing that I may have to be around other people when I really just want to relax and be by myself causes me to make all sorts of detours on my way home. I have been to my Mom�s house more since I moved in with the roomies than I have when I lived 1.2 miles from her (now I live about 8 miles from her, a long ass way to me). Something about the roomies just feels weird to me. Maybe it�s the lovey dovey display of affection. I feel like I have to turn my head or walk out of the room when they start cuddling or kissing. Every now and then they start whispering to each other and I began to feel like if I were not around they would not have to whisper. I just feel in their way. It doesn�t help that the apartment is small. When the 3 of us are home at the same time, it feels crowded. Since that thing with me and Young Buck (which by the way was nothing), he does not come around to see JB anymore. I feel bad. I really didn�t mean for that to happen and it would be nice for Young Buck to stop thru and visit every now and then. I don�t want to be reason that he doesn�t come thru. Most days I fight traffic to get home (which is a BIG pain in the ASS). After what should be a 15-minute ride ends 45 minutes later (unless I take a detour to the mall or to grocery store or anywhere else that will cause a delay in going home), I usually need a few minutes to calm my nerves and grab a quick bit to eat. Then it�s off to the gym for as long as my body can stand. I come back to my room and get ready for bed. I feel like I am in college again. I have a room and a bathroom (that I share with guests). JB lost his part time job a few weeks and Stac just got a new gig. Before it seemed like they were always at home. JB is in school (I think). Both of them are home by the time I get home. Usually when I make it home, Stac and JB are sitting on the couch watching (my) TV. They usually don�t move away from the couches until it�s time for bed. Which by that time, I am already in the bed. That means, I either watch what they are watching on (my) TV or I go to my room and watch what I wanna watch on (my other) TV. It�s a pain. I wish I could just come home and sit around in my grandma looking pj�s and watch the big TV by myself, like I did in the good ol� days when I lived alone. When I come home, I don�t feel like being social. I don�t feel like I belong there. I�m ready to move again. |
11:58 a.m. || October 20, 2004 |
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Moving day - October 08, 2007 |