I will not talk about work!
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I will not talk about work, I will not talk about work, I will not talk about work, I will not talk about work. It�s still early and I just got called into a meeting. Normally I�m all about input and have tons of ideas. Today, I just kinda sat there listening, but not really paying attention. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to go back and sit in my little corner and not be bothered for the rest of the day. Folks who were not at the office on Monday missed going gaga over my hair so they are making up for it today. I like attention, but not when it comes to my hair. I grew up going to white schools were nobody understood why I had a head full of beads or why my hair was always so �wet� (yes, that was from those jehri curl days) or why I did not wash my hair every day. I will not talk about work, I will not talk about work, I will not talk about work. I applied for 4 jobs yesterday. Three of them were in Las Vegas (don�t ask). Since I�m not going to talk about work���. I went to a hood BBQ on Saturday night. Got more attention than my poor ego could handle. It was great. Of course I wasn�t interested in the prospects. But I sho did enjoy the attention. Tiff and I got into an ugly, ugly, ugly argument Saturday night after we left the BBQ. She was rude to some of the people at the party and more than once that night she gave me the silent treatment and pouted like a big ass kid. This has become a regular between me and Tiff lately when we go out. I try to ignore her quickly changing moods, but Saturday I was pissed that she was being so rude to strangers and I called her out on it. Her defense to her mood swings around me were: 1. She thinks I�m the ringleader and always call the shots, like when we leave a party and when we stay. FYI�.I ALWAYS drive. Never ever does anyone else offer to drive or offer to hook me with a little octane for my ride. 2. She says that I walk around thinking that I am better than everyone else. So why the hell is she hanging out with me?? 3. She says that I think she is ghetto and loud. Tiff can be ghetto and can be loud at times. But hell even I got a little ghetto in me too. No biggie, when I say it, I say it in a joking way. She teases me about stuff all the time we usually laugh about it, I had no idea she was offended by it. I wish I could go on about everything that was dicussed on the ride home. I damn near burst into tears to know that the person that has been my best friend since 8th grade basically thought I was stuck up and did not consider me a good friend. Funny how whenver she needs something, the first person she calls is me. Funny how whenever she needs something, I am always there. What�s even funnier is that she could not name one time that I have helped her out and I was able to name 4 times within the last 2 months that I helped her and her daughter out. Not once did I offer to help her out for bragging rights. I helped her because she is my friend, I love her and that�s what friends are supposed to do for each other. After we got home, I told Tiff I didn�t know what she wanted to do about our friendship. Based on the things she said about me, I was wondering why we were even friends. She called me later that night and confessed that all of her friendships are in jeopardy. I smirked, only cause I know about her other friendships and I also know why they are in jeopardy. Despite what Tiff may think, her other friendships are shaky because of her. But she believes with all her heart that it�s everybody else�s fault. She also believes that the reason she was fired from her job after only 3 months was because the people didn�t like her. She won�t admit that she had a shitty ass attitude on damn near a daily basis. How do I know??? Because she called me every other day complaining about the people at her job. And she would tell me how she would confront folks and how she was not talking to so and so because they did something to her. I constantly told her that she can�t walk into a new job acting high and mighty because they will let her go. A week later, she called me crying her eyes out telling me she was fired. Of course she blamed it on everybody but herself. I�m not sure how I�m going to handle our friendship. I was so close to telling Tiff that once she got out of my car, she might as well not ever talk to me again since I am such a lousy friend. Of course I don�t want to throw away our friendship, but I also don�t want to be around someone who has such a negative image of me. What to do, what to do. |
11:50 a.m. || May 18, 2004 |
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