The stuff I want to do AND who I want to do it to.
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I want to learn to knit or crochet or do something useful with my heads and fingers that does not involve uncontrollable bodily eruptions. I have had the information about the knitting classes on my desk for some 2 months now and have not bothered to call the number and find out about the classes. I want to take (another) Espanol class. And this time I want to pay attention and actually learn something besides the common Hola and Como Estas. I can very easily take a beginner Spanish class. There are numerous community colleges in the area with satellite classes all over the city. I want to take an art class. Pottery, ceramics or water painting all sound like fun. Despite that fact that I hate being cold and I am not particularly fond of swimming in the ocean, I really want to learn to scuba dive. I love playing softball and really should find an adult league to join. If all the bowlers in bowling leagues didn�t look like my grandparents I would join one. I�m not the best bowler, but I like to bowl. I want to rejoin the local Black Ski Club. I have been saying I was going to do it for years and yet I have not. I have all these things that I want to do, but I constantly make excuses why I can�t or should not get involved. It�s always the wrong timing or I claim to be too busy to commit to extracurricular activities. The truth is I am fearful of failure and not following through on commitments, so I just learn, not to commit. I have the same commitment phobia in relationships too. Slowly, surely, we are progressing. I keep waiting for the stall to pop up and force us to retreat to our old habits of waiting-for-the-other-person-to-call-because-we-don�t-want�to-seem-bothersome. Did I ever mention how disgustingly alike B and I are. It�s often frustrating dealing with someone who is too much like me. Both of us tend to hide our feeing in hopes of protecting them from getting hurt. B however, is the master at hiding feelings. Because he is so good at what he does, I am learning to constantly give positive reinforcements in order for him to let down his guard and open up to me more about how he feels. Usually, I am the one on the receiving end of the �you are so wonderful, and special, and I like you so much" You know, the typical bull shit us girls like to hear to make us feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Now, I have to constantly tell B that I think he is a good catch and that despite my frustrations regarding our �relationship� I am [in]patiently waiting for him to get his life situated and more stable in hopes that something more solid will come about this 2 1/2 year friendship. Waiting and hoping and giving positive reinforcments. That's all I can do for now. During our 45-minute convo yesterday, the discussion of me making another trip to see him came up. I decided to look up prices to see how much a ticket to the mid-west was going to set me back. Let�s just say that I was not at all happy about my options. I just don�t have $3-400 dollars to spend on a plane ticket. Especially considering that I still need to have money for the cruise next month. I almost gave up on my search thinking that maybe now was not a good time and it just was not meant to be. Just when I realized I may have to wait a few more months to go visit him, I remembered my frequent flyer miles that I have saved up from the constant traveling from coast to coast when I was in college. I looked up how many miles I have and how much it would cost me to fly to see B. If I want to go see B, it�s going to cost me a whopping $10. No, I did not leave any zeros out. I only have to pay ten dollars. As you can imagine, I am beyond thrilled and can�t wait to tell him tonight. I saved the itinerary and I have 7 days to make my $10 dollar purchase. Maybe it was meant to be after all. I sure as hell hope so. Check me out...3 posts in 3 days and today�s was a biggie...just like the good ole days |
3:38 p.m. || November 10, 2004 |
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Moving day - October 08, 2007 |