I do have feelings, ya know!
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Seven whole days I used to love that song by Toni Braxton. So the truth is, I am about 1 day away from officially having my feelings hurt. Dogg has not bothered to call me or return my 1 message (that was just left yesterday, but that is beside the point. I know he has caller ID and has seen that I have called more than once). I guess until now, I didn�t realize how much I was really digging him. It�s the conversation that I miss more than anything. He in many ways understood me. He got my jokes, my sarcasm, my quick wit and tolerated my need to have things my way. I can�t help but wonder if not giving him more on the night of the party, has caused him to back off. I don�t regret what I did. I was happy that I didn�t let my overwhelming sexual need get the best of me. The other day, while listing to Jill sing the song, Cross My Mind, I thought of B. Been thinking about him a lot lately. I didn�t call him on his birthday. I woke up that morning knowing it was his birthday. I kept telling myself that I would call to at least wish him a happy birthday. But things got hectic; it was the day of the party. I kept saying as soon as I get a free minute I would call. I never got that free minute. I never called. 13 days later and I still feel bad. He always calls me on my birthday (even though he likes to tell me he can�t remember my birthday). Deep down, I was scared to call him. Scared because, I am trying (really, really hard) to move past him. I was scared because I didn�t want to hear how he was spending his birthday, especially if he was spending it with someone else. Scared because hearing his voice would send off a flood of emotions that I have been successfully controlling over the last two months, because I have not talked to him. Those are my reasons, those are my excuses. I had planned on sending him a V-day card along with a nice note letting him know he was still in my thoughts. Monday is V-day I have not even bought the card. And I am beginning to change my mind about sending him one. HJ is coming home next month. I was hoping to get to go visit him overseas, but really didn�t have the money. He is trying to make a special trip to the west coast for yours truly. It will be really nice to see him again. If all goes well, I am going to try to convince him to fly me to Japan (where he will be stationed at next). I am just dying to get a chance to actually use my passport. |
2:59 p.m. || February 11, 2005 |
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