Happy Birthday my ass!
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Where do I begin?? I have not talked to Bro. A in a week now. It�s kinda strange because we used to be on messenger chattin for hours at a time. Now I don�t even bother logging into messenger cause I know if I do, he will IM me. I�m being evil I know. I am purposely avoiding him. He called yesterday and left a vm but I have not called him back yet. Even though I still like him, I have been hurt and that�s enough for me to move on. I refuse to allow this to continue happening. I guess your wondering by now "what the hell happened?" Here is the edited version of what happen: Last week Bro. A and I were on messenger and he started questioning me about my weekend. I tried to avoid the questions cause he didn�t need to know all the juicy details about dudes grabbin my ass and me grabbin their ass too. I was getting tired of his questions so when he asked if I let dudes feel on me I just said yes. Bro. A then goes into this long spill about how he didn�t think I was like that and how he is seeing two different Blackpearl�s...one who is conservative and classy and one who likes to drink and act whorish. There was only so much Blackpearl bashin that I could tolerate so I told him I was on my way home and to call me later. He did. And the bashing continued. He said that I was a cool girl but he didn�t think that he could be with a person like me and especially with the distance between us. He went on to say that we could still be friends and he wasn�t just going to blow me off like that. I sat in silence most of the time and just let him talk. When I tried to defend myself, it was useless, he had already made up his mind that I was some trashy, promiscuous girl who can�t control her liquor. What really ticked me off and caused me to end the conversation was when Bro. A said and I quote "and the bad part is, I slept with you". That fool musta lost his fuckin mind comin at me like that. If my memeory serves me...never not once did I stick a mutha fuckin gun to his head or his dick and demand him to fuck me. (please excuse the hostility...and give me a minute to calm my nerves) If that shit wasn�t a slap in the face (and a hard one at that) then I don�t know what is. This is the second time I have really had my feelings hurt by him, and considering he is not much more than a friend...that�s two times two many. I tried to stay calm on last Friday when we were on messenger, but he acted like nothing had happened the day before. The fool didn�t� even apologize for what he said to me which made me wonder if he really even knew that what he said was inappropriate and hurtful. I finally could not hold my tongue and I told him that what he said hurt my feelings. He acknowledged that what he said was wrong, but still no apology. The bad part is even though he continued to say that he just wanted to be friends, I was trying to convince him that this new perception he had of me was all wrong. After trying to defend my character for more than 20 minutes I gave up. It was obvious that he had already formed an opinion in his mind and I was not going to waste any more of my time trying to prove to him that I am a good person and that I do have morals and values. Maybe I do act a little wild when I get drunk but I have never gone as far as to sleep with strangers or anything even close to that. I may let dudes cop a free feel but that�s about it. If that�s a sin...then there will be a whole bunch mofo�s in hell with me. I have noticed that Bro. A has this whole "holier than thou attitude" which at times can come across as him thinking he is better than me cause he does not drink. I don�t mind that Bro. A does not drink but for him to push his drinking views on me is where I draw the line. I am not an alcoholic I only drink socially and rarely do I get drunk. For Bro. A to assume that I am a drunk was way out of line. My only response is fuck it. I don�t need Bro. A. If he thinks I�m a slut oh well. If he really took the time to get to know me then he would know that his perception of me is completely distorted. For now I�m done. I may call Bro. A back. He was after all a cool person to talk to and I had a good time with him when he came out here, but I am not going to continue to let him disrespect me. On to another subject. Sunday is my birthday. I will be 24. I�m getting old. (* sigh *). I have the same problem Fatnomore had. I feel like nobody cares that it�s my birthday. Why the hell am I planning my own birthday bash?? I made the suggestion last week that we go to the bay area and hang out and get a hotel room and go to a club. Everybody thought that was a great idea...but nobody offered to chip in. I decided I could not afford a hotel room by myself and hell it�s my fucking birthday...I should not even have to pay for it. I decided that I would just spend my Birthday in my apartment having a calorie fest and watching lifetime. I was thinking maybe us girls could hang out on Saturday night here in Sac and have some cocktails or something. Tiff just called and asked if we were still going to the bay. I told her not unless everybody chipped in at least $20 for the hotel. She agreed and so did Rie...so I guess the trip is back on. I really wanted Ty to go but she has to work. Now I�m all stressed out cause I have to get my nails done, finish getting my hair braided, and high tail it to the mall to find something cute to wear by tomorrow. I was supposed to be a size smaller by now but that has not happened. The bad part is everything in the stores right now is for winter. Since it�s bout 80+ degrees out I really don�t want to be up in the club with a fucking turtle neck on. So finding something that is cute, somewhat reveling and not black is going to be hard. I love black but I am sick of all ways wearing it when I go out. I guess if it comes down to the wire...it will be black...AGAIN. Ok let me go before I get even more panicky and frustrated and feel even fatter than a fat fucking cow. For all of you who have a little faith, pray I lose 15lbs overnight!! Wanna make me feel better?? Go ahead wish me a Happy Birthday!! |
11:41 a.m. || October 03, 2003 |
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