A letter....
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Mr. Man-- Thank you for having lunch with me today. As all ways the company and the conversation were great. Every time we part ways, all I can think about is when is the next time I will see you. Not having a definite date makes it hard to let you out of my sight. You asked me a question this afternoon just before I got out of the car regarding being with a person who is not equally yoked. I wavered a bit on my answer mainly because I have never had anyone ask me that question before. I can remember a few years back one of my girlfriends from college took me along with her to a bible study class for singles. It was then that I first heard the term equally yoked and learned the meaning of it. At the time, searching for my soul mate was not as important. Finding someone who shared my same beliefs and values were of even less importance. Thank God I grew up! Though I am not as religious as I once was, I am very spiritual. I question some things but have a strong faith in others that help to answer some of my questions. I will admit that sometime being educated is not always great thing. Since going off to college and meeting different people with different beliefs I have learned a lot and this I believe has caused me to question my own beliefs at times. My experiences at Mt. Calvary that we talked about early also left me questioning my beliefs a little bit. I still believe in a higher power or being and he is my God. I pray and I have faith in him. To quote Jay-Z �I ain't perfect - nobody walkin this earth's surface is� (Bonnie and Clyde �03). However I believe that when I pray and ask God to forgive me of my sins, he does. Knowing that He won't let me down and His timing is ALWAYS perfect and that his love is unconditional keeps me going each day. I know I have my own little time line of how I want things work out. I also realize that God will not give me anything that I am not ready for. I have patience and when the timing is right I know I will be blessed with what I have prayed and asked for. For me, being with an unbeliever would be disastrous. Marrying someone who was unequal yoked would be the equivalent to marital suicide. That�s not to say that I would not date or marry someone with a different religion from my own. I think even then it would be hard but dating or marrying someone who had no belief in a supreme being that is mightier then his own flesh would never work. I hope this answered your question. It was one that I really had to think about on my way back to work in order to form my own opinion. Like I said, you caught me off guard with the question but it was a great one and now I feel prepared to answer it better when the next person asks. In case you can't already tell, I am crazy about you. I love spending time with you. I love talking to you. The number of times that I think about you in a day is almost insane. I have so much respect for you as a man doing what so few do now-a-days. I totally understand your reasoning for removing sex from our relationship. As I told you before, I want what you want. A meaningful friendship that will turn into something much greater. Over the years, I have realized that I have gone about relationships the wrong way. It wasn't until recently (real recently) that I realized that I was doing to myself what I swore up and down I would never do. I used my own sexuality as a means to keep a man I was interested in around. Sadly, I did it to you too. I was steadfast in not wanting to jump into a sexual relationship with you. Then you told me that you had been in contact with your ex-girlfriend and you begin telling me about you other women friends and sub consciously I had to find a way to keep you from moving on. I didn�t realize it at the time that I was committing such self-destructive behavior. Now that I recognize my own faults, it�s time to work on them. I am definitely attracted to you in so many ways. I know it�s going to be hard for us both not to have sex, especially since we are so accustomed to having sex with people we are attracted to. It�s going to take a lot of prayer, strength and will power but I know we can do it (or rather not do it). Like I said before, I am crazy about you and I am looking forward to getting to know you even better. If nothing further happens (which I hope is not the case), I at least feel as though I have found a great friend. Love always, (this letter was e-mailed to him just moments ago) |
3:15 p.m. || March 16, 2005 |
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Moving day - October 08, 2007 |