If your happy and u know it .... dont read this (clap clap)
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Damn...It's been awhile I did update a few weeks ago and lost everything that i had wrote....i was so mad and frustrated and tired that i didn't update. Im going to start using wordpad or MS word to update so I dont lose my entry again. Im working again for a minute. I hate it Im on another diet...oops I mean "healthy lifestyle"plan....no I do mean diet this time. The "healthy lifestyle" plan was not working for me. This week M and I are on the Cabbage soup diet (http://www.aboutcabbagesoupdiet.com/ ). I started on Sunday and so far I have lost 5 pounds. I know, it's amazing and hard as hell. I never thought that I could restrict myself the way I have been but I am. Monday was the hardest day. I actually felt a little sick because I was so hungry. The hardest part is watching TV and listening to the radio...I never realized how many commercial advertise food. Unhealthy food at that. No wonder more than 60% of us are obese. It was easier today..but its becasue i have been eating fruit all day. But I will have a little cabbage soup and a small salad tonight. If this diet continues to work...I will be on it for longer then 7 days. Even though Im already sick of cabbage. Im going to have to come up with some creative ways to make it. Sunday of course is my day off...it's Easter and I am so looking forward to Easter dinner. I didnt get the internship :( I was very very very sad that day. I cried all night. I just have to keep reminding myself that it was not in God's plan for me. I still don't have a "real job". Is that in God's plan too...to have me broke and living with my Mom 4-ever?? I am so ready to move...and without the internship or TFA....it's just going to be that much harder. I looked up on the internships website and found out that 2 girls from UMSSW got the internship...I was jealous. I have not heard from Jess in a while...or Tiff. But :)....Bart called a couple of weeks ago. We had a good long convo. But I lied to him. I told him I had a job. I made up this really great job that I have working for the state. I hate lying. I feel so guility. But I hate feeling like a loser even more. You see...Bart (who got his Masters in mechincal egineering from UM) was on his SHIT and made sure he had a job when he graduated. Me..I decided to wait until I got home becasuse i needed a break and now look where I am at. As usually I procrastinated (and Im still doing it). So many people expect so much from me that I feel like I have to continue to be this great, educated, smart, hardworking, independent, loving, nice, funny, and full of goals woman. The truth is...im I am not all of those things all the time I just pretend like I am. The weird thing is....I see all these qualities in bart (except he is a man of course). I wonder if these are things that he pretends to be too?? Im avoinding my friends, it's hard not being successful like so many people expect you to be or living up to the accomplishments you have for yourself. I am embarrased that I cant get a job in my field. Im embarrased that I had to move back home. Im embarrased that i didnt get the internship. Im embarrased that I didnt get accepted into TFA. Im embarrased that I have been on 4 job interviews and still have no offers. Im embarrased that I am on this silly cabbage soup diet. Im So embarrased. |
9:27 p.m. || 2003-04-15 |
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Moving day - October 08, 2007 |